Feelings

I received a card from my RE's office on Tuesday that said "congratulations on the pregnancy". They signed the card " The Dream Team". Is it just me or are they pretty damn proud of themselves? Ok I admit to see "congratulations on the pregnancy" did make me tear up a bit but hell I'm on a shitload of hormones right now, give me a break.

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I'm so torn on how to feel right now. I want to be happy & giddy and all that nauseating baby dust crap. But I am so scared that this one will end too. I want to make plans & dream about this potential "maybe". I am just so afraid. I keep trying to convince myself that I might as well enjoy whatever time I get to be pregnant regardless of how it might end. But of course, after the universe has kicked my ass so many times,I'm a little raw.

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My ultrasound has been scheduled for August 9th. It's my mom's birthday. I told her she had better put a candle on her breakfast & make one hell of a wish. I think the hardest thing to do is to tell her if I manage to fuck this one up too. I couldn't tell her last time. I had to make my husband do it. She was just so happy when I told her...Lots of tears of joy. She did the same thing this time. I almost believe she would be more crushed than I would. I understand her feelings though, just as she wants to be one of the Grandma's showing off pictures of her grandkids, I want to be a mom showing off my kids.