List of things to do

Here is my plan should all go well on Wednesday:
1)Stop peeing on sticks! 1 to 2 a day is ridiculous. I have to stop being a freak!
2)Clean out the spare bedroom. It should take me to about January to complete!
3)Break out the maternity clothes 'cause damn I can't breathe!
4)Dig out the pregnancy books.
5)Start acting like a pregnant woman.

Here is the plan should it all go to shit on Wednesday:
1)Kick somebody's ass...Nurse...Doctor...Receptionist...I'm not really picky!
2)Hide all evidence of previous cycle including sharps container & alcohol swabs.
3)Drink booze & eat a lot of unhealthy junk food.
4)Throw away all pregnancy books & maternity clothes because I am tired of knowing that crap is in my house.
5)Go to the nearest casino..If I can't win in this crapshoot maybe the gambling kind will have better odds.