I guess I should post....

I go through moments of everything will be fine, I have suffered enough, I will finally hold my child to this is so over already, there will be no heartbeat, there will be no baby. I cannot control DBT for nothing. I still take a hpt every day. Then I spread them out on the counter & analyze them. Does this one look lighter or darker? It that darker than the control line? What should my beta be at this point? If it's over 20 or 30 thousand shouldn't the entire pee stick glow like Rudolph's nose?

My only consolation right now is my boobs hurt like hell, I can't stay awake at any time during the day & I am having bouts of nausea. However I have read that people with a blighted ovum have normal symptoms & can go into the beginning of the 2nd trimester before finding out. Yes it's sad that I have researched everything that can go wrong. If negativity is a deciding factor in this working, I am so fucking screwed.

One thing that is really bothering me right now is work. I fucking hate my job, the people I work with & my damn boss. I've about had all I can stand. If and I mean if this works, I am putting in my notice to quit the week before Christmas. No sense in spending my 3rd trimester in hell. Shit if I actually get that far I deserve a break! My paycheck is so not worth half the bullshit I deal with. Just to give you a little insight...One of my co-workers put their socks in the microwave to dry & they caught on fire, then they decided to clean the microwave with vinegar so now we have a lovely burned feet fabric odor with an overlay of vinegar. Lunch anyone? Help me....