I don't have much to say just impatiently waiting to start shooting up with the real stuff. I'm hoping that will be tomorrow. I have an appointment in the morning so hopefully I'll get the go ahead to inject something other than Lupron.
I have been trying to avoid thinking back to this time last year. On June 3rd, 2005 my life went into the shitter. I have been trying to dig my way out since.
Friday 06/03/05 - my husband called to tell me he had been laid off.
(I didn't know how we would make it. I remember him saying that everything would be okay as long as he had me & the baby.)
Sunday 06/05/05 - my furry children got into a huge fight, my husband's hand got in the way which required surgery to place several metal rods in his hand & a 2 day stay in the hospital .
(My hubby said nothing else could possible go wrong at this point.)
Wednesday 06/08/05 - my 14th week ob appointment, doc couldn't find a heartbeat, ultrasound confirmed the baby had died at 11 weeks.
Thursday 06/09/05 - D&E to end a pregnancy that we had tried 8 years for.
It really is hard to think about all this. I don't know many people who could have had so much go wrong in 6 days. It took me weeks before I could get dressed without crying. It took months before I could go a day without crying.
It was so damn hard to explain to my family what I was going through. My cousin kept trying to tell me that I needed to get over & be happy or I'd never get pregnant again. ( yeah, it took 2 doctors, several nurses, $3500 worth of drugs injected over the course of 8 weeks, sperm washing & 2 IUI's to get pregnant, happy had nothing to do with it )I also didn't think I'd live to see this year. My heart was so broken & I was so stressed because of everything else, I can't tell you how hard it was to breath every second of every day. But I made it & I have had 2 IUI's (both negative), 1 IVF(miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks) & 1 FET(chemical) since June '05. I some how just keep going on. Maybe that saying is true. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
