Hope is leaving the building

I keep having this recurring dream of twins. A perfect little boy & girl. I don't know if this dream is some deep desire or some desperate dream that will never come true. After my embryo transfer my husband kept asking me how the twins were. I would smile & rub my belly. Sometimes I wonder when I'll stop being so naive. The chance of me getting pregnant is pretty low & now of course the chance of me actually giving birth is dropping too. So why do I continue to dream about what will probably never be?

I can honestly say that I am not ready to give up the fight. But I am so weary. I'm fed up with failure and bad news. I'm tired of assvice. I'm tired of apologizing to my husband because I feel he deserves better. I'm tired of feeling like a complete failure. I guess I need a life nap.