From my death bed

That's the way I feel right now. If the cramps don't kill me this damn cold will. I was supposed to go to the doctor today for a re-check but I'm too damn weak to drive. They rescheduled me for tomorrow.

I'm in a weird place right now. Everyone who went through the last miscarriage with me is walking on egg shells around me. I'm upset but I'm okay. It's really hard to explain. I'm not saying that any miscarriage should me minimized but this one just doesn't hurt as much. I'm wondering if I kept myself at a distance. My husband was so excited he was already looking at baby shit. I just wasn't interested. I think my last miscarriage ruined me. I don't think I will ever have that immediate bond again. I know I can't handle being hurt like that again.